Category Archives: shopping
1. Having to dress shop at the mall on Monday for 2+ hours because your daughter “needs a new dress because every girl in my class is wearing one on Wednesday”. She will have to check every single “cool” store first, before actually finding a dress in the store you suggested in the first place. You will also have to make the requisite stop at Starbucks for some type of Strawberry concoction. She will be mad at you because you will not let her get a coffee because she is 12, and you don’t see how a 12 year old needs coffee. She will let the cat out of the bag that she orders coffee when she goes to the mall with her friends, and then stare at the floor. She will give the barista a fake name when she orders her drink, and when you ask her why she did that, she will reply in a whispered tone “Mommm. It’s not cool to give them your real name! Everyone knows that!” She will grin like a champ when they yell her fake name when her drink is ready for pick-up.(For the record, you are the only people in the store, and they still yell.) She will get in the car and take the perfect selfie of her and her Starbucks drink with her fake name prominently displayed and will post it to Instagram. She will spend the drive home telling you how many “likes” she got on that one.
2. Having to leave work yesterday for 20 minutes to run home and drive your daughter to school because someone (Mom) accidentally put the dryer setting on low and the yoga pants she HAS TO wear to gym did not dry in time for school. She will text you at work 7 minutes before the bus is coming to let you know this. No, she cannot wear something else to school! Your daughter will beg and plead to stay home, but that isn’t happening. When you are driving her to school you will hear all about how she has now missed gym but is wearing the yoga pants anyway because that was her chosen outfit for school and she knows you would have been mad if you got home and she didn’t have them on. (She is correct on that one!) Also, she will tell you that because of the dryer mishap this is her first time being tardy in 7 years of school. The streak is broken and she will be upset about it. (Tardiness is a catastrophe that you are unaware of), and now because it is after 9:00, she will not be able to sit with her class at the assembly that is occurring, because she is tardy for that too. All of this will be your fault. You will drive back to work thinking about the million times she has made you tardy for work over the past 7 years. At 3:20 pm, she will come home smiling and say that she was glad she didn’t stay home because she had a great day, but will still be upset at the tardiness marring her permanent record. She will then grab a snack and go up to her room to blast music and scan Instagram for anything she has missed in the last 6 hours, as well as to see if there are anymore likes on her Starbucks selfie.
3. Having to get out of your pj’s on your sick day (there’s no such thing for a Mom) because you HAVE TO drive a very specific outfit over to your daughter’s school (after a series of panicked laden texts, which she is doing while hiding face first in her locker, because phones at school are a bigger no-no than tardiness) because the dress that you spent two hours shopping for, and that she looks so beautiful in is ITCHY…VERY, VERY ITCHY and she “can’t take it for another minute”. When you get there, the secretary will want to know how you know your daughter needs a new outfit if she isn’t in the nurse’s office because they’re not supposed to have phones in school. You will reply that your daughter is 12, 12 is a fun age, and you are part psychic with a $hit-eating grin on your ugly, sick face. The secretary will look less than amused at your answer and will make “the face” at the other secretary who is sitting there listening to your conversation. You will then stand there awkwardly pretending to read the bulletins hanging on the wall while you wait for your daughter in the itchy dress to make her way down to the office. It will feel like an hour, but probably will only be about a 3 minute wait.
4. Your daughter will finally come down to the office to get her specified clothes and will actually give you an unexpected heartfelt thank you for bringing that in, will hug your arm, and tell you that she hopes you get some rest…and you won’t be annoyed anymore. In fact, you will smile as you drive back home.
Yes, that’s what having a daughter is like. (God bless my friends that have more than one!)
Once again, I wish to take time away from my regular blogging to tell you about something I think is AWESOME…Zenfish Leather Designs. Previously, I made a post about Zenfish Dog Drawings. (If you didn’t see it, check it out by clicking the link or go into my archives and read all about it!).After years of cajoling her about this too, I’m glad to say that she has decided to start this business as well. (She is seriously multi-talented!)
Zenfish Leather Design features handcrafted leather journals and artist sketch books, and I think they are wonderful! I speak from experience because she has made them for myself, my husband, and my daughter…and we all love them.
When she came out with her new design I knew I had to make a blog post about it, because I think it is the perfect graduation gift for the budding writer or artist. Not only can she put the year on it, but she can monogram it as well. I can guarantee that no one else will give that special graduate the one of a kind gift that you do!
Is Zenfish a friend of mine? Clearly. However, I’m not the only one who thinks her work is exquisite. She is a featured shop and contest winner on Etsy, and is also featured on Wanelo. Her business is starting to really take hold, and I couldn’t be happier for her. That being said, I thought I should share it with all of you. I think her books are better than anything I have seen in any stores, and are worth taking a look at…especially with graduation approaching. My favorite part, aside from the obvious, is that 10% of all proceeds from her sites will be donated to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I couldn’t agree with her more on her choice of charity!
The clock is ticking down to graduation day, so why not browse Zenfish Leather Design and see what she has to offer? I think you’ll find something you…and that future graduate…will love!
I thought I taught her well. I really did. However this week all of my good teaching came to a screeching halt when I purchased the hideous sneakers shown above for my daughter. They are hurting your eyes, aren’t they? Mine too.
In case you are as unaware as I was just a few days ago, these are Osiris sneakers…the sneakers everyone is wearing right now. Well everyone who’s a kid, thankfully.
I was browbeaten into buying these gems because of a deal we have made with her. If she brings home straight A’s on her report card, she can get or do something of her choosing. (Before anyone raises their eyebrows at this, we aren’t “bribing” our child to get A’s. She loves school, and the fact that we only have one child allows us to do this. If we had more, it wouldn’t occur this way, trust me.) Anyway, in the past she was wanted simple things like dinner at her favorite restaurant, a night at the movies, some arts and crafts stuff, and these little silly Squinkee toys. None of those I had a problem with. However, this time it went haywire because this is what she came up with.
As I stated, I was completely unaware of what these were just a few days ago. (I wish I was still unaware!) She came home thrilled to show us her report card, and promptly stated that she already knew what she worked for last marking period: A pair of Osiris sneakers. I should have known something was up when she emphatically stated that they were the awesome sneakers everyone was wearing, but apparently my mom radar was temporarily disconnected for a minute there, and I said “I guess so, but if they cost a mint, you’re not getting them!”. Off to the computer we went, so she could show me what they looked like and we could research where we could buy them. When the images of them came up, I hoped she was kidding…she wasn’t. I asked her what said sneakers would even match, and she said “They always match if you have the right headbead onnnn!” Sigh.
I tried everything to dissuade her from wanting these clown shoes, because like I said, I thought I had taught her well. For a 10 year old, she has always had really good taste in clothes and shoes. She loves to get dressed up, and really loves to perfectly accessorize her outfits. (She gets that from her grandmother, and I’m not complaining). She loves Kohls because she can go there with her gift cards and clean up on her purchases. So how did this happen? I believe it’s because she’s 10 and finally hit the “everyone-has-them” phase. Again, sigh.
Since a deal is a deal, I begrudgingly take her to Journeys in the mall (which I had to ask my friends where it even was) to get them. She wasn’t kidding when she proclaimed them the “it” shoe, because the store was crowded with other girls around her age clamoring for these “awesome” sneakers. Since I’m such a crowd and people person, this venture was already torturous within the first 20 seconds.
That moment was perhaps the first time in my life I have ever seen a wall full of ugly. You couldn’t miss this section of the store, because even the clamoring crowd of girls couldn’t deflect the gaudy colors on display. My eyes and head hurt just looking at them. My daughter proudly waded her way through the other girls to get front and center to make her selection. The only thing I can say is she picked the least ugly of the bunch, so I guess I was remotely proud of her for that.
I had the girl measure her foot, and in her mind having a size 8 1/2 is a double bonus because “That’s the size you wear Mom! You can even borrow them if you want!”.
#2: Her feet really need to stop growing!
(I did teach her well though.)
The girl brings them out and they are unlaced, and the laces are like 2 feet long. I am now sweating and just want to get the hell out of there, so I just start lacing them up. It was then that I learned that I committed a huge faux-pas, as stated by my daughter’s look of shock and her stern whisper of “Mommmmmm! What are you doingggg? That’s not how you lace themmmm! I can’t try them onnnn like thatttt!” She was literally acting like all of the lights in the store just went out except for the spotlight that’s on me and my faux-pas lacing techniques, thus alerting the world to her Mom’s uncool moment. I glanced over at the Wall of Ugly and saw that they needed to be laced in the skater, box-lace style. Well, guess what? I made her try on one the uncool way and had her try the other one on without laces. There’s no way I was standing there sweating and re-lacing everything…sorry. In the end, they fit and I bought them. They were even on sale…$20 off. They should be paying me to take those hideous things, but whatever.
When we got home, she ran in the house to proudly show her father the world’s greatest sneakers, and also to lament that “Mom doesn’t even know how to lace them right!”. Of course my husband, the Savior of the House, does know how to lace them right because in the 80’s he was every bit as awesome as he is now, and he laced his sneakers that way. I try to save face by stating I wouldn’t know how to lace shoes like that because my awesome Jellies shoes from the 80’s didn’t even have laces, but as usual, no one is listening.
So, Alyssa is officially allowed back in the Land of Coolness because she owns a pair of Osiris sneakers. I don’t foresee myself ever enjoying seeing them on her feet. My friend’s husband had a great line for her though when they bought a pair for their child. “You’re not the one wearing them!”. True, but I will be the one walking next to her when she is wearing them.
And so it begins…
I know I have basically no patience in life. It’s not like that’s a revelation of any sort, but when I go out in public (like shopping) I spend a majority of my time trying to control my blood pressure and fists of death. Where the hell do these people come from and who said they should be allowed out in society without learning some basic principles of common courtesy?
For instance, today I was reminded why I always go to Shop Rite when they open at 7am, as opposed to noon when every crazy person has just left church where they have cleansed their souls of sin, only to decide to start fresh in the grocery aisles. Is it that hard to NOT leave your cart in the middle of the jam packed aisle while you saunter around comparing the price of canned vegetables?? How can you have the gaul to get mad when I try to stand there patiently waiting for you (for about 5 seconds), then decide to slightly move your cart to the left so the rest of us can get by? I do not want your items, just a little space to get away from you.
Is it really neccessary when you have four children with you to stand at the end of the aisle (blocking it, of course) and tell your children one by one exactly what they should go find? It’s like a sick scavenger hunt that the rest of us don’t appreciate. Let your four little slaves do that kind of fun stuff at home please….and yes, they are going to either come back with the wrong thing OR stand in the middle of the aisle themselves yelling “Ma! MOM! This?!?” – it’s inevitable, as are the mumbled curses you will strain to hear me saying as I try to squeeze by.
When it comes to line etiquette, I guess people haven’t heard about that whole “give me a little space” thing some of us actually employ. You do not need to jam your cart a centimeter from my ass so that I cannot even lean over to get something out of my cart or move in any direction whatsoever. Even better, do not jam your cart a centimeter from my ass and then walk away to get the one thing you forgot. Don’t act stunned when you come back and find your cart about 5 feet from where you left it, because that’s where it should be…just be glad I didn’t shove it halfway across the store!
As for you “Cashier Extraordinaire”…I know you hate your job. Nobody gets that more than me because I worked there for 2 years in college – However…I put my items on the belt in a specific order for a reason…because that is the order I wish to bag them in. What exactly strikes you to ignore what is at the front of the belt and reach five deep for an item to scan? If I wanted to bag my produce with a cleaning product, I would have placed them together in the first place…but I did not. Also, don’t look so insulted when I tell your bagger that I will do it myself. I have a method…and he or she apparently does not…at least not one that I would ever understand.
Finally, when you see me unloading a never ending myriad of bags into my car, in a semi-empty parking lot, don’t put your blinker on for my spot…especially when there are plenty of other spots to be had. I am only going to look at you, then directly at the many other spots you could park in, then move slower than I have in recent memory. I don’t care if I’m truly in a rush because I will act like I’ve got allllllll day. In the amount of time you sat there, you could have been half way through the store already and gotten a little extra exercise to boot!
Don’t even get me started on my trips to the local WalMart…I could write volumes on what goes on there. Those are other stories for other days, I suppose.